Fuck. What the fuck have I done. What the fuck is wrong with me? I never meant to hurt you. I wanted to be that person that could change your mind about everything. I really wanted to make it work. Dear god did I want to make it work. Now I’m just sitting here with tears rolling down my face. You are far to wonderful to have to go through this. You don’t deserve this. You really don’t. I fucking hate myself so much. God damn it. Fuck everything about this. Fuck me and my stupid emotions.
You did nothing wrong. I really want you to understand that. You were fantastic. I’m just a fucking dumbass.
I’m so goddamn sorry.
I should’ve known they were going to pick you once they had you covering over here in Santa Clarita. I guess things would’ve gone differently had you not applied, but that’s not the case. I don’t know if the encouragement I gave you had any affect on your decision; I mean, I’m sure your sister was telling you to apply as well. I must say, I don’t think I got a fair chance. Had they had someone else cover we would’ve been on even ground, but since they had you covering, you were able to showcase all of your skills. Yeah, I mean I come here 2 times a week but I’m only backup to the main person so I don’t get to show off that much.
I should’ve known that they were going to pick you once one of my coworkers told me that during one of their meetings the staff comment saying “It’s like Esmeralda never left.”. Even before that, once I saw how well you were getting along with the staff here I should’ve known that the deal was sealed.
The first day that I came here after Esmeralda left, the majority of the staff were asking me if I was going to apply. Of course I said yes and they seemed fairly confident that I would get it. One of them even went as far as to say “Congratulations!” to me way before the position was even posted. Hell, in all honesty I was really confident that I was going to get it. Especially after the interview because I fucking nailed that shit. But, alas, that interview didn’t mean shit. I don’t mean to sound cocky, but I know for a fact I did a hell of a lot better than you.
I’m certain their decision was predetermined before the interviews even started. That’s the way things work when you work for this company. 3 out of the 5 positions I’ve had here I knew I was going to get, but the interviews still had to be conducted per union rules.
I thought I would’ve been ok in this situation, but dear god I’m salty. I had wanted to work here in that position since I first came to Santa Clarita. Not only is this place incredibly close to me, but the people here are an absolute pleasure to work with. Yeah, the patients might be a bit crazy, but I could’ve dealt with that.
On the plus side, at least I’m doing less work for the same pay. I mean, I’m getting paid to write this blog while you’re over there actually doing work. Yeah, my schedule might be a little bit whack, but at least I’m not driving down to the valley for work every week. And even though my position will most likely be terminated for next year, I’ll get to collect unemployment and I’ll get to go back to school.
All in all, I’m going to be upset for the next few days, but things aren’t thaaat bad. You won’t read this, but forgive me if I’m passive aggressive towards you. You don’t deserve it, but I don’t have a very good way to cope with this.
I haven’t been on here in forever. Looks like my Doctor Who reposts have remained in tact.
So I’m sure absolutely no one cares what I have to write about but I’m bored at work.
Anyways, what in the fuck has happened since the last time I actually wrote a post? Probably too much.
Everything for the past few months has been going pretty damn well. I’ve been working in a different position at work for the past 2 months and, though I absolutely dreaded the idea of coming to work at some point, now that I’ve moved back over to the Valencia/Santa Clarita centers, even though the workload is much greater than it was before, I’m so much more happy.
In terms of my social life, I’m very happy in the direction it’s heading. I’ve met some incredibly amazing people in the last months and I’ve had some of the best nights that I’ve had in a while with these people. I’ve also been going out much more often and taking a few more risks. I’m happy with this progress.
As for you, you still come into my mind every-so-often. It’s not necessarily that I miss you, I’m just a little upset. I’m mostly over the fact that what we had is over, but it just irks me that the plans we made 2 weeks prior fell through. And as mildly irritated as that makes me, I think I’m more irritated by the fact that I just never hear from you. I feel like we’ve fallen back into the same pattern from earlier this year. I’m not trying to pin this on you, because I’m aware that I’m equally at fault as you are. I guess I should let it go. This is just the type of people we are.
I guess I’m done for now.
Happy New Year!
“New year, new me,” I say, laughing to my friends. Suddenly, I throw my arms out, golden light erupting from my hands and face. I scream in agony as every single cell in my body is rewritten, atom by atom. Abruptly, the light show ends and I drop my arms, coughing out a golden trail of residual energy. I am completely made new.
I am a Time Lord.
I’ve got new kidneys.
Tate was the sweetest character!
He raped her mom and killed like 10 people.
we all have our flaws
Yeah but Tate had some seriously fucked up flaws. Idk, but raping my mom is a definite deal breaker.